This year's Mother's Day is one of the first mother's day celebration that I will miss celebrating with the rest of my family back home. It's quite sad as this is one of those celebrations that our family always make a point of celebrating (the other being Christmas, father's day, town fiesta, and each of our birthdays - all 5 of us - mama, papa, elder sister, me, and younger sister). I called my mother early Sunday morning though and I was able to hear her vibrant voice and I can gauge that she is happy but that she misses me. Oh, how I would have wanted to be right beside her and hug her at that moment. Distance though makes that wishful thinking. My choice of a career and how to live life can sometimes really get in the way of things but I accept these as part and parcel of my choice. I consider myself blessed to be granted one of the things that I have dreamt of since I realize the joys of travel (way back in my early teens) and this is to live overseas and not just get stuck in one country but be presented with another chance to stay in another country after 2 or 3 years. Like a nomad, yes, but not quite. This blog though is not directly about me but about Mama Cita, my mother.
She and my father got married when both of them were 29 years old. She was a public school teacher and was successful both in her career and her main job as a mother. I can still remember those afternoons when we were still very young and she would arrive from school bringing lumpia or what-have-you to us her 3 daughters. She always have something delicious in her hand bag that if one goes through the contents of her bag, you won't come away disappointed. You'll always find candies or bite-sized chocolate inside. She even has this 4 0r 5-L volume of plastic container stashed under her bed with chocolates inside - yes, chocolates! She was very keen in pointing out though that in no way are we going to abuse that plastic container of chocolates. That's my mother, a disciplinarian. I grew up with something akin to fear with her because she's the disciplinarian in the family - she goes about setting things straight and in my immature way of looking at things at that time, I mistook this as her being strict. Things changed though when I was in university. I got to open my thoughts to her and we started having long conversations and as my outlook in life became more mature, I was able to fully appreciate and admire her more. Now, I can say with perfect confidence that the person who knows me more is my mother. Not surprising yes, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Mama is also regarded by many of my cousins (and I have a lot) as their favorite aunt and I think this is because there is something in her that invites confidence, that invites trust. She respects our views and do not impose her beliefs on us, she lets us be but she also makes it a point that we know her views. We are not that big on showing our love and care through hugs - we are learning though - but the way she shows how much she loves and cares for us is immensely greater than any physical touch can give. It takes time sometimes, though, but like I said, we are slowly realizing that a hug can provide temporary relief. She's soft spoken at the same time stern, both her and Papa are, and her voice have calmed so many turbulent feelings, so many raging emotions in the past.
I miss Mama, I have always missed her. I miss her familiar scent, the way she calls us to tell us that dinner is ready, the way she recites the formulated prayers when we say the Holy Rosary, the way she would tells us, "Ayaw pagsamok!" ("Don't bother me!") when she is doing something that requires her full attention, the way she would call me, "Cristy!" in a singsong voice whenever she has something for me or there's something that she wants to share with me, the way that she would ask for the TV remote control or DEMAND that the TV channel be switched back to the television series that she is keeping tabs on (otherwise she'd just tell us to go to the other room and use the TV there), the way she cooks mais (corn) or rice, pancit, caldereta, humba (pork stew with vinegar and spices), inon-unan (fish stew with vinegar, onions, and garlic) na bilong-bilong (moonfish), lechon kawali, otan bisaya, etc., I miss everything about her. Sometimes, I would miss her so much that I would ask myself why do I have to live so far from home. I'm always faced with the same answers: because it's my choice and my mother have prepared me for it (both her and papa did). Life is indeed interesting - not so much a mystery really but interesting!
Mama Cita, happy mother's day and I thank you for giving me YOU. I love you!
Papa Ben and Mama Cita: my all.
(Originally posted on May 11, 2009)
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