Crossroads

Here I am again torn among many choices: (1) to continue teaching, (2) to go back to being a laboratory chemist, (3) to look for research grants and be part of a research team, (4) to apply to the UN and let them use me wherever they think my experience as an educator, an international school teacher (in AP and IB Chemistry) can best be put to use, (5) to venture into photography (and make it my source of bread and milk - nah, unlikely), or (6) to go home and rest for a year (I deserve it, I think, because I have been working for 13 straight years since graduating from university but this is clearly not an option IF I want to finish building our house.) So with the last two choices clearly out of the way, I'm left with the first four. I'm going to explore more choice number 4, I honestly do want to give back not only to my country but to the world in general and I feel, at this point, that being part of the UN will give me that chance. The third choice seems a little bit unlikely especially with the world's ailing economy. I even have a friend who is currently looking into teaching, she's part of a scientific research team in the United States but grants weren't coming their way because the economy's such in bad shape, so perhaps, I'll also end up scratching choice number 3. As for choice number 2, I have been looking into available chemist positions but with me being out of the laboratory (except a highschool laboratory) for almost 10 years, chances are I'll start at the bottom rung of the ladder which I honestly don't mind except that I will also be receiving a way lower pay than my current salary and as I said, I need the money because I do want to finish building our house. If, however, I can work in the US of A or maybe even Canada as a laboratory assistant then yes, I'll consider for sure. I have to find these companies who are in need of my services, though. Which brings me to choice number 1 which at this point, is the most obvious choice. BUT I honestly think that I am nearing the end of my stint in teaching, the passion's just simply not there. Although as I reflect, I do remember feeling this EVERY single year, at this time of the year, ever since I was teaching. It must've been something to do with my being exposed to a June-March school year ever since I started schooling until I started teaching at the private school where I graduated from. This academic year cycle only changed when I started teaching in an international school 4 years ago (we have August-June as one academic year). Only this time, this lack of passion is affecting practically everything, every aspect of my life and it's holding me back from looking for a job in other international schools for next school year. (Oh, I did not extend my contract with my current school anymore. I'll write about it in another blog.)

So am I in a crossroads? Clearly a resounding YES! But this isn't something that I cannot overcome, though. Now that I have written about it, and perhaps have more talks with my friends and family about it, I'll get up and facilitate another step that will bring even more exciting learning experiences - hopefully in another country.

I do recall feeling that oh so good feeling on the first day of summer break when long stretches of days were ahead of me: work-free, students-free, but with remuneration. (Teachers, especially international school teachers, generally are paid for 12 months and have at least 6-7weeks of summer break, not counting Fall, Christmas, (Mid-winter for some) and Spring Breaks, and other official holidays.)

Ahhh, it's good to be an educator! But is this really for me? When I started teaching almost 10 years ago, I said to myself that I'll only be in the education business for 5 years then I'll go back to being a chemist. I'm on my 10th year now and I want out but I'm not so sure if I want out for the right reasons.

Crossroads.

Ave Maria!